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Stating the Obvious

Tonight I was getting ready to take a shower, when Ty suddenly decided to walk by. Since it is becoming ever more dificult for me to bend over, I still had my socks on. I realized how ridiculous I looked so when he drew near I panicked. I inexplicably burst into song and dance singing, "I am naked wearing sooooocckks," while simultaneously doing the twist. Ty simply chuckled and said" Shhh, yes you are," and walked away. I was left alone to waddle to the bathroom singing the second line in my head, "Naked wearing socks am I."  

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Last night I had a dream that I was watching a commercial for a laundry detergent called FUK. (Yeah it's pronounced how you think.) They said it like five times in the commercial, and all I could do was stand there and laugh because I knew that when my mom saw this commercial she'd be horrified. For a split second I thought, "That's so irresponsible!" But I was too amused at the idea of my mom's indignation at this commercial to really consider an appropriate responsible adult reaction of my own.

Dude, That's the Least of Your Worries

Nathan has been misusing the word "embarrassed", so Ty and I decided to give him some examples of what is really embarrassing. After a few examples in which one or more body part gets exposed to the general public, Nathan figured he had a handle on the concept and tried this one:

" If I was up a tree and a bird ate me and everyone could see my bones, that would be embarrassing."

Best Laid Plans

Nathan was playing quietly on the floor in the living room with Man Vs. Food on the TV and me sitting on the couch crocheting a scarf. Suddenly he turned to me and said, " Mommy, I am NOT going to eat a live aligator." 

Baffled I said, "Well.... That's a really good plan."

"No mommy, eating a live aligator is not a good plan."

Little Bits of the Past Year

2010 was a big year for us, in fact, so much has happened that it's hard to believe it's only been one year! At the beginning of the year Tyson was sent to Haiti to bring water and supplies to the people on the island of LaGonave. While he was gone we was given his new orders to Sasebo Japan. Nathan and I prepared as quickly as possible, and it still didn't look like the Navy was going to approve my entry into Japan. We waited in limbo for a couple weeks while we camped on the beach in Coronado. We made some really cool friends on our campout, and we were lucky enough to be present when one of my best friends got engaged. On our drive to Modesto we got the word that I was approved for entry into Japan, and we couldn't have been more happy. While none of us wanted to live in Japan, we were glad that our family would get to stay together. After one last visit with my darling nieces, and a quick visit with the rest of our families we flew into Japan on June 17. We were able to find an adorable Japanese house to live in, only to move out a month later when a termite infestation led to the discovery of mold and rot under the floors. No wonder that mildew smell wouldn't go away no matter what I did! We took the first home available to us, which is base housing in the middle of nowhere! We felt like the firework show the first weekend we stayed here was a sign that we had made the right decision. We discovered my pregnancy the very last Saturday in July, and are looking forward to the spring and the arrival of our little star. We visited California in November, and had an excellent time at Disneyland. Nathan's Amma took him for his birthday, and we tagged along. The visit was incredibly helpful in a very important way, it helped me to realize that I was far too attached to my extended family, and that I would never be able to be happy living so far away if I didn't learn to let go a little. I was also able to see that maybe I was attached to ideas of who people were, not who they actually were. The people who matter most, my husband and son are my biggest source of happiness, and I am better able to appreciate just how good they are for me. Plus Ty and I finished up some much needed marriage therapy this year, and we are living quite happily in a much more loving and respectful manner than ever before. It sort of feels like a turning inward, the way we've folded ourselves into a more comfortable family. After we returned to Japan, we decorated for Christmas, and enjoyed a lovely holiday, just the three and a half of us. Nathan didn't get out of bed until I told him that Santa and his reindeer had eaten all the cookies and carrots overnight! I'm told this sleeping in trend won't last, so I'm appreciating it while I can. Today is the last day of the year, and last night it snowed six inches all over our base! We started the New Year's celebrations with a happy romp in the snow and we made a frightening looking snow man with some red water balloons we found on the ground and a bottle cap nose. Tonight we will stay home, play games and watch movies. We're looking forward to another busy and fun year. Our goals are definitely to deliver a healthy baby in April, to continue learning the language of our current land, to commit to a healthy lifestyle and lose the extra weight Ty and I are carrying around.  We also plan to save up enough money to travel to Singapore for New Year next year! We hope your New Year is happy and blessed, and that you have fun celebrating.

How Do I Love Thee?

Nathan: Mother.
Me: Yes?
N: I love you because you're my mother.
Me: I love you because you're my son.
N: Yes, you're my mom and you take care of me and clean the kitchen.

Four Years ago Today...

I fell in love. On November 9th 2006, a Thursday, I decided I needed a new tablecloth. I had recently moved to Modesto to be near my family for the impeding delivery of my child. My dinng room table had become a receptacle of pretty much everything, and the nesting instinct in me hated it. I decided that getting a tablecloth would solve this problem in a satisfactory manner, and I went to Target. I can't remember how long I spent in the store. I know it was much longer than was necessary, because I was very undecided about the tablecloth. There were no plain red ones in the size and shape I needed, but since I could not abide my table being clothless, I bought a very pretty red one with little swirls swooshed on it. I headed home and made myself a late dinner because I had missed eating while in Target.

After a meal of spaghetti and peanut butter toast, I decided to get started on the table. I put on Will and Grace, and I started to try to clear off the table which proved to be an exhausting task. I stuggled through it for the better part of an hour before I realized that I was incredibly tired and my back ached when I stood up. I also noticed that every ten minutes or so I was needing to sit down and rest, and I felt better within a minute and was ready to work again. I looked at the clock and wrote down the time on a little 3X5 index card; 11:40 PM. Then I sat and waited, about ten minutes later the tightness in my back and the wave of sleepiness washed over me again. I realized this was a contraction, and that I was very likely in early labor. I said a quick prayer, "God, if Tyson's ever going to walk passed the phone and see it empty and decide to call me, now is that time." Fifteen minutes later my phone rang. It was Tyson, "Hey baby! I was walking passed the phone and saw it was empty and decided to call you!" I said a silent prayer of thanks then said, "Well, it's a good thing, because I think I'm in labor." Tyson remained calm. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, I think. I'm having contractions, and they're ten minutes apart, they last about thirty seconds." Ty and I then started to chat about random things while we waited to see if more contractions would come. We quickly worked out a system, I'd tell him when a contraction, which felt like menstrual cramps at this point, started and he'd time how long it was. Then I'd write it down. We were able to talk on the phone until about 2AM on November 10th, when the pain deepened just enough to take my breath away and I could no longer speak through the contractions. Tyson suggested I get off the phone and call my mom to take me to the hospital, and he'd call me back later. I did as he said, and was starting to feel extremely tired.

By the time my mom arrived at my apartment to take me to the hospital I was starting to feel a little poopy, literally. I was on the toilet every couple of minutes because my system had begun the process of cleaning itself out. I wanted to try and sleep a little, but I was beginning to feel nauseated, and this scared me. I was worried something was wrong and I wanted to go to the hospital right then, so my mom bundled me up and put me in the car. We headed the half mile to the hospital over roads that were undergoing some resurfacing, and every single bump had me ready to punch a construction worker, instead I sort of let the pain wash over me while I tried not to vomit. By the time we reached the birthing center, I was ready for some rest. As we passed the nurse's station on the way to admitting, I noticed a frightening bucket full of what looked like blood. I blanched in alarm and demanded to know what that was. "Oh it's just a placenta." I can't tell you who said it, but those words had my head swimming, and I was starting to feel my first prickle of fear. My mom looked entertained.

Once in a hospital gown in the admitting room, I was checked and measured poked and prodded. I was 5-6 centimeters dialated, and the baby's heartbeat was up near my rib cage. I could tell the nurses felt this was going to be a long labor, but I disagreed. I went to the bathroom a couple of times, and the last time I noticed blood on the toilet paper. When I looked in the toilet, there was a gelatinous blob floating in there, with a little bit of blood. I told my nurse and my mom what I saw, and we all decided it was normal bloody show. I was checked again, and was told that I was dialated to 7 and my bag of waters was bulging. I called my best friend Shelly, because she had wanted to be there for the birth. Right about then I started vomiting, and kept on doing so until my stomach was absolutely empty. I was moved to labor and delivery, and while throwing up my water broke. Remembering that I had read about this, I tried to cut off the flow as though I was going pee, but when it gushed on anyway I knew it was for sure my water breaking. I indicated to my mom what was happening with frantic gestures toward my groin region. How she figured out what I was saying, I will never know, I guess it's just one of those mom things!

I was checked again, and I was dialated to 8, which made me happy, because it seemed to be progressing quickly. The contractions had become very intense. They were one on top of the other, and it seemed I could barely draw breath between them. I had an odd pain in my right lower abdomen that was sharper than the rest of the contraction. I put my hand over this spot, and gripped the rail of the bed to stop the room from spinning. I was dizzy and nauseous, but just then I felt like I needed to concentrate. The passage of time stopped existing. I was given medicine in one of my two IV lines at my request, which succeeded in dulling the pain briefly. I noticed that the persistent pain in my right side was not affected by the medication at all. I curled up on that side in fetal position, still clutching the bed rail and wrapped myself around the pain. It was all I could think about, and somewhere in the haze I realized that things weren't feeling as they should. I felt no pressure at all in my perineum, which seemed strange, because at this point I was dialated to 9.  Also, the pain of the contractions had taken a back seat to the searing pain in my side. It felt as though I was contracting around a jagged rock. I started to get really pissed off about that pain. It was incredibly distracting, and I kept trying to communicate that it didn't feel right, but I felt like no one was listening to me. To be honest, I don't know if the words even left my mouth. I might have just been thinking something was wrong all along. I wanted to cry for my mommy, which I probably did. I couldn't talk on the phone to Tyson because I needed to focus on this pain, and I began to scream angrily at the end of each contraction. At one point the nurse reached up and grabbed hold of my cervix, she sort of wiggled it around, and said something to the effect of "I don't know why you're not going to 10, the cervix is soft and floppy." I wanted to kick her, but thought better of it because she was trying to help me after all. At this point I no longer even felt the contractions, the pain in my side had taken over, and I felt wild enough to join a raging pack of gorillas. I wanted to rip the hood off a car.

Finally I could take it no longer, I turned to my mother and gripped her hands while I pleaded, "There is something wrong. You have to make them listen!" My mom procured the nurse and told her I had something to say. I felt vaguely annoyed, because I was barely able to speak. I wanted her to communicate this for me. I was able to gather some strength and say, "When I first arrived and they took the ultrasound the baby wasn't in the right place." Or something very similar. The nurse looked from my mom back to me in shock. "They did an ulrasound?" I looked up at my mom in horror, she was standing very still, her eyes wide and hand clasped over her mouth. So frustrated I couldn't speak I looked helplessly to my mom while she recoverd herself and said emphatically, "Yes!" The rest of the conversation blurs, but I know the delivering doctor was brought into the room rather quickly after that. We had never met before, and I didn't even care, I just wanted the agony to be over. The doctor took one look and acertained that the baby was not in the position to be delivered. The jagged rock I had been contracting around was the baby's little face. And my little guy was trying to come out my hip socket. Since my water had been broken for some time an exterior cephalic version was not able to be performed. It was determined that I'd have to have a C-section. I was just relieved that someone understood that things weren't as they should be. I clung to my mom while I was given an epideural, which seemed to take forever. Immediately I was more aware and alert. I went from being in a fog of pain to being absolutely clear eyed and able to focus. I was able to talk to Tyson on the phone, and the pain in my side had become a very manageable discomfort. I was brought into an operating room, and was floating on a cloud of drugs and oxygen while the doctors swiftly removed Nathan from my womb. There was an outraged cry, and I asked Tyson if he could hear our baby! I was so excited and relieved. I tried to hold the baby, but was pretty much numb from the neck down, and had difficulty.

My mom went with Nathan and took tons of pictures for Tyson, who was floating around near India at the time. She watched his first bath, and was the first to hold him. They have a very special bond, and I think it's because she was the first person he got to hang out with in his life. When we took him home, my mom snuggled with Nathan most of his first evening at home. She stayed the night with me, which was an incredible comfort. If I didn't have my mom with me, I don't know what I would have done, and I am still grateful for her role in the birth of my child. Ten years ago I would never have believed that my mom was the person I wanted by my side for one of the most harrowing battles of my life. Now that I am halfway to having another baby, I am panicked at the thought of doing it without her. In a way it brought us much closer together, and I have my little boy to thank for that. Thank you my darling son for repairing what I couldn't fix. This and a million other reasons are why I love you. Happy fourth birthday my little man!

Two Beginnings

Nathan was already born by the time we started this blog. There was no chronicling of the pregnancy or the birth other than what I put in his baby book. Now we're in a new situation, being pregnant and having an active blog. So I thought I'd parallel a little bit how we found out we were expecting both children. Nathan was born first so he'll go first.

With Nathan I had a unique situation, I knew exactly the moment he was conceived. Not everyone has this experience, but we knew because we weren't planning on having children. I had always been unsure as to whether I really wanted kids at all. Growing up in a large family, I loved having the company of my brothers and I pitied my friends who were only children and had no one. I felt like, friends go home, but siblings are always there. I was certainly never lonely with Richard Jesse and Derek running around, and I knew if I ever did decide to have kids that I wouldn't stop with one. I also sometimes hated having my brothers around, privacy in our tiny house was hard to come by, and I found it hard to have the peace and quiet that I have discovered is a vital part of my sanity. I knew that kids weren't really ever quiet, and I just figured maybe that wasn't the route for me. The thing is, I married a man who wanted kids. Tyson had always wanted a family, eventually. Neither of us felt ready, and I didn't know if I'd ever feel that way. So when Nathan was conceived it was in a singular moment of carelessness that was unprecedented in our relationship. I was in a sort of protective denial though, up until my period didn't show up. This wasn't uncommon because of my weight, in fact I had developed a sort of paranoia about pregnancy because of my irregular cycles, so I kept tests in the bathroom "just in case". The day I took the first test I was all alone, and I only had one test. The thing was so old, it had been under the bathroom sink for so long I didn't even remember purchasing it. So I peed, and I waited. After like fifteen minutes nothing had showed up, and I realized that the test was so old it was probably defective! I brought it out to the brightest light I could find and I stared. Sure enough, neither horizontal control line showed up, not the one that forms the minus if negative or the one in the little control window. Curiously however there were tiny pink speckles in a vertical arrangement on the results window. I thought that was strange, because why would the speckles show up there if nowhere else? I had the very strong suspicion that I was pregnant at that time, but decided to be rational and wait for a functioning test. That day when Ty came home from work I informed him that I needed to go to Wal Mart. So we went and bought a bunch of random stuff, and a box of the best pregnancy tests available at the time. Later that night I privately went to the bathroom to take the test while Tyson was distracted with doing the dishes. Once again I peed and waited. I anxiously fussed with my hair in the mirror, and glanced periodically at the test. I was frustrated because the test was digital and took the full three minutes to register a response, and I was freaking out, didn't this test know I was freaking out? Why wouldn't it hurry up? Out of the corner of my eye I finally saw the little result window stop flashing the hourglass sign. I looked over and saw the end of the word "pregnant", and picked the stick up fully expecting to see a "not" in front of it once it was in a better position for reading. I stared in absolute shock at the blank space in front. The little oval window only said "pregnant" in neat little letters. I turned and walked out of the bathroom then, still holding the test in my hand, still in shock. I stood in the hall outside the bathroom door and glanced down the hall toward Ty. He looked up and noticed me, so I quickly looked away. I needed to think of a way to tell him, and I couldn't think of anything at all right then. Suddenly he started walking toward me, and I registered fear, my first emotion after finding out I was pregnant. I was terrified he would be angry. I had never been sure I wanted kids before, but in that moment I knew I wanted this baby more than anything. So I stood there with my mind screaming at me to RUN! I needed to think of a way to tell him and I needed to get rid of the godforsaken test in my hand and... and.... I didn't move a muscle, fear had rooted me to the spot, so I just stared at him as he walked up to me and reached down to pluck the little white stick from my hand. He stared at it for what felt like an eon. And then to my absolute relief he looked at me and smiled. Then he wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into him in relief. All I could think to say was, "You're smiling." He said, "You are too." into my hair. That's when I realized that I was! I had no idea when I started, but I was unable to stop grinning like a fool. All that time I was so unsure, God decided to tell me the answer was yes.

I always knew I didn't want to have an only child. So when Tyson started making noises about having a second baby, I was all in. Nathan is such a great little person, and we are so happy to have our funny little chicky lick. I was ready to give him a playmate. Timing was a bit of an issue though, Tyson's career takes him around the world, often at inopportune times. We knew we didn't want for him to miss the birth of another child, and that the best way to prevent this was going to be to have a baby when he went to shore duty. So when we got here to Japan, we knew at some point another baby was going to happen. I had some fears about my fertility, because my periods had never regulated, in fact, they seemed to be getting  worse. I took birth control anyway, and honestly it was the only thing that helped balance out my cycle. I was worried that when I went off birth control my periods would be so irregular that conception would be a difficult task. Ty and I decided to make it as low pressure as possible. When my bith control was all gone, then we'd just not get any more. No use stressing ourselves out about it. Neither of us expected that it would happen as quickly as it did. When my period was late at the end of July I decided not to get my hopes up. I figured it was late because I was no longer on birth control to regulate my cycle, and it would be along eventually. Ty and I discussed it, and decided that if the period didn't come by the weekend that we'd test. Then I put it out of my mind. On Saturday on a trip to the NEX, I walked through the family planning aisle looking at the price of ovulation predictors. I was just getting the sinking feeling that this was going to be really expensive, when I remembered that it was Saturday, and I still hadn't had my latest period. So we decided to buy a three pack of tests. I reasoned that if it didn't happen now we were going to be needing more in the future. By the time we were done shopping all of us needed the bathroom, so we decided to head to the family bathroom because part of the reason we were at the store was to buy dry clothes due to a sudden down pour and lack of rain gear. We were all struggling with wet clothes when I remembered about the test, and decided to take it right then and there. After taking the test I put it on the counter and forgot about it while I took tags off the dry clothes for everyone to put on. When we were all dressed I looked at the test, sure that the results would be negative( I convince myself of that so I'm less disappointed.) To my surprise the test said positive. Once again I just stared at the thing. Nathan and Ty were impatient to leave, and I excitedly handed Tyson the test before he could start complaining. While there was still that moment of shock, I was incredibly excited right away. The result line was very faint, so the next morning I got up and ran down the stairs to take another test with (supposedly) more HCG dense urine. This time the line was dark and reassuring. I ran back up the stairs to wake up Tyson and show him. He was happy, but not that I woke him up for news that he already knew. So now here we are, thirteen weeks into our second pregnancy, and this time I knew the exact moment I started smiling!

Not U!

Early this morning, Nathan sitting at the table eating Alpha-Bits while I make my oatmeal.

N: I likeyew!

M: I like you too!

N: (holds up a v) No! I like Q!

M: Oh.

Oh What A Night!

We had so much fun today! Early this evening/late afternoon we walked over to the soccer field across the street. There, we participated in the Pledge to Play put on by the Boys and Girls club. We were mad scientists for the day! The kids each got a "passport" that they used to walk from booth to booth and do science experiments. We got to do some really fun things, like make a volcano out of clay, add baking soda and vinegar and watch the explosion. Nathan got to do a test to figure out which is his dominant hand (the right one) and he made oobleck, which is cornstarch in water with some food coloring. He really enjoyed that last one! We got to watch some guys drop Mentos into Coke-a-Cola, and we made raisins dance by putting them in some club soda. We made paper clips float, and we made colors swirl in milk with dishsoap! It was really really fun. Nathan had a blast! We each had a hot dog, and Nathan's came with some candy! When we were done experimenting, we turned in Nathan's passport. Then we got ready to watch Inspector Gadget 2 on the portable screen set up on the soccer field. We started getting chewed by bugs as the sun went down, so we decided to skip the movie, since the last night of the fireworks competition was tonight as well. Just as we were leaving, Nathan's name was drawn in the raffle, and he won a copy of the movie! He and Tyson are watching it right now as I type. After a quick detour at the elementary school park, we walked back across the street to our building. After finding some bug spray we headed out to watch France take their turn at the competition. It was so amazing! I have to say that France's show was the best over all! Theirs was fast paced, elegant, interesting and sometimes surprising. They were really great at redirecting our attention, then surprising us by filling the field of vision with colors. They used all the standards, like the hearts, happy faces and color changing fireworks. They also had beautiful hybiscus, and a pretty constant fountain going on the horizon line. It was an absolutely fantastic evening. Now Nathan is settled in, watching IG2 happily. It was a really fantastic evening of free entertainment! We had a great time. It ended much too soon!